CLASS: OH NO WIZARDS

The main thing to know about wizards in our games is that we use the Lamentations of the Flame Princess Weird Magic System from Vaginas Are Magic and Eldritch Cock. (Listen, once you get past the stupid titles you'll see that the spellcasting rules are metal as hell, like vicious putrid church-burning death metal.) I have slightly modified the rules as written but the basics are: there's no spell levels, so all spells are available right from first level (spells usually scale up with higher levels); you can only safely cast a number of spells equal to your level each day and after that you risk a Miscast (which is a Bad Thing); every spell is named for a metal song (I get if that doesn't matter to you but I think it's fantastic); and the spells are weird, dark, powerful, and generally fucked up. 

 

See, we don't roll with the "magic is just a different form of technology" that I think underlies a lot of dungeon-y games. Magic is terrifying and chaotic and horrible. Good, upstanding, law-abiding people do not do magic. And that's why everybody knows wizards are not to be trusted, because wizards do magic. 

 

Wizards in our game are not clever people in funny hats who studied fantastical languages to read glowing spellbooks so they could cast Feather Fall. Wizards are fucking weird, like unhealthy and sweaty and "maybe a serial killer" weird. Sure, a wizard might be charming or compelling in an unwholesome sort of way but it's with the understanding that one day they might decide that your skin is just they thing they need to try a new spell they learned from a demon. 

WIZARD

(art by Julia Kovalyova and Shar'ya Ardat)

 

HIT DICE: D4

ATTACK BONUS: +1

Wizards get +2 to Willpower saves.

Wizards can use simple weapons. (1)

Wizards start with two random spells. (2)

Wizards can safely cast a number of spells equal to their level each day. After that, they risk

a Miscast. (3)

Wizards gain new spells by discovering spellbooks or scrolls, learning them from demons or other powerful magical creatures, rolling a natural 20 on a Miscast save, and/or eating the brains of other wizards. (4)

 
1. Yup, no armor. Wizards are not trained in any kind of armor so wearing any means they're overencumbered per our house rules.

2. The "random" part is not true in practice. I usually let my players pick their spells because they gravitate toward the more entertaining ones. I use almost all of the published LotFP Weird Magic spells (sometimes with slight modifications to fit our play style and house rules) as well as some that I came up with myself.

3. Miscasting is a big deal, the potential consequences usually involve instant death and/or instant total party kill. You'd think the person playing the wizard would avoid Miscasting whenever possible right? Not my players, they push Miscasts all the time because we crave death. We use Miscast rules that are slightly modified from the original and I've put them below. Each spell has it's own d6 Miscast results table (this is also different from the LotFP rules).

4. This is why wizards go adventuring. You find the best weird stuff in old dungeons and crypts and temples. Rolling a 20 on a Miscast save represents the wizard's brain opening up to the totality of howling chaos and having a twisted new insight drop into their brain like a slippery toad. And the "learning spells by eating wizard brains" thing is my own idea that I am especially fond of. Now whenever there's two wizards in the party and an enemy spellcaster is defeated they always end up fighting over who gets to eat the brains. And I couldn't be prouder!

 

 

WEIRD MAGIC 

(adapted from Lamentations of the Flame Princess so if you like this then go buy that)

 

NO SPELL LEVELS  All spells are considered equally difficult, and a spell’s power is determined by the wizard’s level. The wizard doesn't have to cast a spell at full power; she may decide to cast it at a lower level of power.

CASTING SPELLS  Wizards have one spell slot per level each day that they can use at no penalty. They can cast every spell they know once, or one spell multiple times, or any combination thereof, as long as they don’t hit their casting limit.

MISCASTING  When one of the following conditions is met, the wizard must make a Will save with a difficulty of 13 (Intelligence modifier applies). On a failure, roll on the spell's Miscast table. Spells can't be ended early or "turned off" on a Miscast. Every additional valid condition means a –1 penalty on the saving throw.

- Casting a spell after the level-based casting limit has been reached. This is a cumulative -1 penalty for every spell over the wizard's daily level limit.
- Casting a spell while over-encumbered.
- Casting a spell while at one-quarter hit points or lower.
- Casting a spell while intoxicated.

Miscast results are rolled after the spell takes effect. Results are rolled by the DM and revealed only when the characters involved become aware of the consequences.
Wizards may miscast on purpose, but the player may never choose the Miscast result.